Thursday, December 22, 2011

I Have to Change My Life

There are a lot of things wrong with the way I'm living.  My health is just poor.  I don't eat right.  I don't get enough exercise.  My job makes me feel bad about myself daily.  My home, instead of being a cozy haven of contentment, is a chaotic, filthy mess.  We should be on a tv show like Hoarders or something.  I have no time to take care of any of the things that I feel like I should really be doing. This city is making me miserable.  Yeah, I know.  Whine, whine.

Three days ago I was driving near my office with my 11 year old nephew in the truck, on our way to get some pizza.  We drove up on quite a scene.  In the lane next to us but going in the other direction was a car that was sitting still at an angle in the lane.  There was also a police car.  And an officer with gun drawn and pointing in the car as he moved around to the driver's side, shouting at the occupants.  I couldn't see into the car through the pitch black tint, so I didn't know if it was full of bad guys with guns, or just a little old lady from Pasadena.  Considering the window tint and the officer's behavior, I'd have to bet on that first choice. Griffin got down and I hit the gas and got us the hell out of there.

I don't know if you can imagine how upsetting it was to have that going on right next to us with my nephew in the truck.  He was pretty shaken up and his mother told me it's still bothering him.  Me, too, Buddy.  Me, too.

Two days ago I was at Folks Restaurant picking up my catering order for my company's Christmas lunch. They weren't open for lunch yet, so the parking lot was deserted.  One of the employees helped me carry some jugs of tea to my car.  Then he went back inside to get the cart with all of the food on it.  I  stayed outside making room in the trunk for the food.

Around the corner came this shattered wreck of a human being, and he came straight at me.  Normally I am the most tolerant person in the world but excuse me if I describe this guy the way I perceived him - a filthy, smelly, crazy, dangerous, homeless crackhead.  I've been living in the city for almost 3 decades now and this was not my first time at the rodeo.  Normally I have no trouble warning off folks like this who approach me. 

Apparently I managed to encounter the one guy like this who wasn't looking for money.  He was horny.  Great. 

It got physical.  And it got ugly.  And scary.  And it was terribly upsetting.

Thankfully the Folks guy came through the door with the cart, saw what was happening and ran straight at us, scaring the crazy guy away. I need to take him some kind of thank you, don't you think? Maybe some home canned goodies and some cash?  He was literally my hero in a white kitchen coat pushing a shining catering cart.  Bless him.

Looking back now,  I realize, of course, that I should have called the police and done something about this maniac.  At the time it, though, it was like I was in a tunnel.  All I could see was getting back to the safety of my office.  I don't think I was thinking very clearly, really. I barely reacted at all until after the lunch was over and I had time to relax.

It took until I was shouting at my entire department at work yesterday for me to realize how upset I am about all of this.  

I realize that crime is everywhere and moving to the country won't guarantee I won't ever encounter a criminal or dangerous situation.  But it sure would be unlikely to happen to days in a row out there, right?  Also, not so many strangers wandering around out in the sticks where everybody knows everybody.

Time to rethink our schedule?  The move to our country home is scheduled for July 2013.  I just don't think I can wait that long. I feel like I have no control over my life here.  There, I can set my schedule, actually make choices about how to spend my time, go outside, live a life that is cleaner and healthier in many ways.

I really need to change my life.



  1. I think it is tough everywhere you go, Grace. People are much more desperate with the economy the way it is. It changes your way of being though when you are assaulted! Lots more armed robberies where we are. Drugs and the holidays. Life is a mess. Hope you can get control. Just take it one step at a time.

  2. You might talk to a women's hotline about that "incident." They are likely to have some useful things to say about how to deal with the emotional impact.

  3. Where the heck do you live? 'Cause I sure don't want to visit there. There really is something to be said for small town life. Although, our dream to get out in the country with some land, at least we live in an area where it's not uncommon to find empty cars running with the heat on in the winter time while the owners are in the store doing their shopping. I hope you're able to deal with your awful experiences lately and that things get better for you.

    Have a Merry Christmas,

  4. I live in Atlanta, Pam. It gets ugly here, sometimes.

    Karen Anne, I will keep that in mind. Thank you.

    Lemonverbenalady, I need to just grit my teeth and make it happen, I think.

    Thanks for letting me vent, Ladies. It was pretty upsetting but I'm going to try to put it behind me and get my Christmas on. Merry Christmas to you!

  5. Mad Gringa here- I cracked up at your comment on my site and wanted to check out your blog. Girl, I know how you feel! I ran out of Los Angeles when I was 21 to get away from the city crap, but I didn't go far enough. Landed in San Diego, got married, had 3 kids and then the same LA garbage creeped into SD and we just moved 2000 miles to Nowhere USA. We love it, but it is a hard transition and we left everyone behind. We've only been here for a few months and in the long run it's the right decision but hard right now. I hope you find you peace soon (sooner than 2013!).

  6. Thanks Charissa. I hope you adjust quickly. I lived in CA for a while, it's a different world there. It took years for me to adjust moving south from NY. I still think of Corning, NY as home, but maybe when I get out to the country I'll feel like I can put down some real roots. I don't plan to ever move again once we get there. I will definitely try your beans recipe. I've been wanting to make better friends with my pressure cooker. Thanks for stopping in.

  7. Wow, that is so scary. Glad yo udo have plans to move out of that area. The putting down roots part--I felt the same way for years after I left my parents home in upstate NY--it was home even though I never went back--until finally my husband and I bought some land out in the country 2 1/2 years ago. Now I finally have a home I can call my own--and put down roots. I hope it will be the same for you once you get out in the coutry. (Thanks for stoppping by my blog a couple of days ago.)

  8. Thank you, Kateri. That's exactly what I'm hoping for.